My injury has forced me to look at my role at the studio in a different light. I have been very blessed to have amazing and supportive teachers around me that treat the space like it is theirs. Since I was told I could remove my boot, I feel it has become even more challenging for me to accept my limitation. Even tho I realize that my progress is moving forward, not having the outward sign of injury no longer being limited by something outside of me, I was struggling.
I found myself drowning in this pool of "I Suck", a place I knew to well, and refused to allow myself to stay there. I have worked so hard to save myself from this place of not enough, not good enough, not doing enough and I needed to find a way out. I am also taken aback by how much I was judging my ability as a yoga teacher and practitioner based on what I could do. This needs exploring, this needs my attention.
I made the decision to pass on to one of my lovely teachers some of my classes. I have been teaching these classes for 3 years and it was not easy, yet I knew it was right. This was my letter:
Many of you know that I took a fall on my last trip and severely injured my ankle. The journey to recovery is slow, but steady and offers with it many humbling experiences. I am out of my boot but find I am really struggling with the limits of my body more so while out of the boot. In an effort to keep my spirits up and maintain a healing environment it dawned on me
- I am surrounded by amazing teachers and supportive students
- I have not utilized my teachers enough while I recover from my injury.
A lot of it has been fear based, not trusting in the grace and gratitude of you. Yet After much contemplation and discussion with my teachers we are going to make a few adjustments for the summer.
These changes will take effect next week June 21and we will reevaluate any changes or additions by summers end.
This gives you more options and greater variety of both teachers and style. Change is hard, trust me I know this very well and it is hard for me to give up my evening classes, but in an effort to better serve you and provide you with the quality of teaching you deserve I feel this is the best option.
I am stepping out in pure faith as I realize the need for me to heal correctly, the first time.
Thank you for your continued gratitude and support. Remember you are the only reason we can keep our doors open and provide you with the quality of teaching you deserve. The generosity of our students is also a reminder of the amazing benefits our work as yoga teachers provides.
The support I have gotten from fellow teachers and students has been overwhelming. Many of them applauding my determination to focus on my own healing, offering up what an inspiration that will be to my students. I was stunned by the out pouring of support and encouragement from those that have been there, are there or can only imaging how hard this decision was. Not something I expected.
So now it is time for me to take time and get back to the basics of my practice. Essentially relearn my physical practice. Yogamentals, getting back to the basics. I have been exploring all the elements of my yoga practice in my journal to recovery, except the asana practice.
Now it is time for me to explore my asana practice, really focusing on the function of my practice, not the ideal form. Exploring a gentler, kinder, softer yoga then where I found myself teaching and practicing prior to my accident. Giving myself time, space and the freedom to heal correctly the first time. Accepting my limitations and working with them not against them.
Finding my optimal ROM, not my maximum and working with in the true limits of my physical body. Practicing accepting these limitations and enjoying the process of regaining my strength, my flexibility as well as my balance both on and off the mat.
So as you approach the mat, set an intention to practice Karma towards you body. The way you treat your body on your mat will be reflected in the way your body is able to give back to you on and off of the mat. Don't do the pose expecting a specific payoff or result. Find a place where you can be in the pose and really listen to your body.
Watch your thoughts of not enough, and change them to just enough. This applies to your time on the mat as well as off the mat. Give yourself the freedom to just be, the compassion to not judge or criticize.
I know this, I teach this, but I don't always practice this. That is my intention, to practice what I teach, what I know.
See You, on the mat!